I found this one in the profile of one my friends in Facebook and it cracked me up!
Micah's guide to being a successful bench player:
the first rule to being a good bench player is admit you suck, there is a reason your sitting there. this is very hard for a lot of people to do, but once you admit you deserve to sit there, the happier you will be.
the second rule is, basketball is not life! if you wanna have a conversation on the bench, then do it! who cares if its the first quarter and we are tied, the interesting stuff happens at the end.
the third rule is, be in shape for the bench. its hard popping up off your butt after being comfortably sitting for couple quarters and dodging out of the way of the cocky starters who feel like the world serves them, not to mention reflexes to grab that water and towel and hand it to them.
the forth rule is dont waste your time, when the coach is walking back and forth looking for the next person to put in, its not you so dont even waste your time trying to look like your ready to go in. dont waste your time stretching, or tying your shoes either. and certainly dont bother watching what he draws on the play board during the timeout, you know it your not involved.
the fifth rule is important. the coach and the players need to think that you are involved and actually care how they are doing, so say good job, give lots of five fives and pretend like you are paying attention.
the sixth rule is above all the most important. no one can be a good bench player without a wing man, this is the guy you will be best friends with, you guys will watch each others backs the whole season and have the strongest bond with. you should take a picture of the first time you go on the court together. pick someone that doesnt take themselves to seriously, remember, your the joke of the team.
the last rule is simple, personize your bench, this is your new home. hang some pictures up, a welcome home matt, have a cushion for your butt and some food. take pride in your bench.
bench players are like the leaders in disguise, they get people ready for championship games by keeping everyone relaxed and confident in themselves. the bench has come a long way, from being made of stone and wood to the more familiar plastic that we know today.
a team is only as good as its bench.